Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
