I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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