I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
