I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
