VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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