Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
