tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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