whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
