i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
