You smell like a Billy Joel song
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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