I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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