I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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