Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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