toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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