Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
