idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
