you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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