White coat. Heels.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
