I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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