I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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