she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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