Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
