I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
