Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
