Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize