Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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