I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
