Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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