He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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