I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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