yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
