gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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