I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
