it wasn't lemon gatorade
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
