she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
