I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
