can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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