Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
