your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
