i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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Is it penis luge time yet?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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