Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
