ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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