she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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