ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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