New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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