i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
