Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
COCAINE IS GR8
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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