Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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