Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
