Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
tell me about the eggs
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
