The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
