going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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