how can u be prego again
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
