Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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