Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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