i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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