he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
