Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
