goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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