No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
