We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
