i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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