TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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