dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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