I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You smell like stripper and shame
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
