We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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