That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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