Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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