1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.