i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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