i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
