with your own penis?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
