I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
