He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
