New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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