explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
