i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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